Posted in Entries, Fun & Random Posts

Jan 19, 2019

I’m just gonna start this entry by saying i’m pretty tried today, i’ve been having a bit of of a day, I haven’t really been able to think straight properly, I actually tried to write a poem on that, but I couldn’t really think of anything else, there’s only 4 lines in it, I might come back to it in time though who knows………I did write two other poems though, one i’m sharing with you guys and the other one, i’m gonna keep in my journal only.

I have no idea what to write about here and I don’t want to write about how my day’s been because you guys shouldn’t have to read that, I want to talk about something that’s better than that, not exactly sure what I want to write about, but I want it to be something you guys can enjoy in the moment even though i’m not sure how i’ll turn out, but we’ll see.

It took me a bit, I actually started drifting off as I was trying to figure out what to write about, I think I want to share a memory with you guys, this might not be a very long post, but hopefully you guys still enjoy it. This memory comes from a moment that I had a long time ago and it was when my friend Angel was still around, he had stayed over my house and this was in the morning, we were watching this cartoon by the name of Teen Titans Go.

Now this show isn’t my favorite show, it’s okay, it has some good episodes to it, but there was this specific episode, I think it’s called 40% 40% 20% anyway, we’re watching this show and there’s this song that played, also this episode, a lot of people enjoyed, myself included because it was the closes thing we got to it being like the original Teen Titans………but back to the story, so there’s a song called Night Begins To Shine in the episode and long story short, the minute my friend Angel heard it he immediately loved it and went to download it.

I didn’t think they’d actually have the song to where he’d be able to download it right away, but they had it and well he continuously played it non stop while he was at my house and mind you although it wasn’t a bad song I wasn’t at the time super into it, but I didn’t mind it either, however he played it so much because he knew that I was going to get annoyed with it and what happened, I got annoyed with it.

He kept saying to me how great of a song it was and tried singing along to it, he didn’t really know the words, but that wasn’t going to stop him from singing to it and because he played it so much, I ended up getting the song stuck in my head and you can probably guess the look I gave him because of that, I was so mad……….we all know how hard it is to get a song out of your head especially when it’s a really catchy one and he knew that too and thought it was hilarious.

It’s not a surprise though, he always played weird songs that ended up getting stuck in your head later or made you give him a weird look, he didn’t care though, he’d still play them half of the time we just laugh at him and shake our heads, he was a character, but we loved him anyway.

Now that i’m looking back at it though, I guess it was kinda funny, still annoying, but also pretty funny too, at least I can say I have very interesting friends as well as great ones, btw thinking about that memory made the song get stuck in my head a bit which is great, i’m not singing it now though so that’s good, but if it comes back, i’m gonna be annoyed, but also laugh about it.

If you guys have a memory you want to share that you always look back and laugh at, feel free to comment it down below, i’d love to hear about it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

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Posted in Entries, Poems

Impatient…..

Impatient I am, Impatient i’ll be, impatient because of me……i’m calm, but i’m not, i’m trying, yet I still feel I need to try harder.

Can’t think straight and my mind is tired, but I know that I can’t stop……..holding on to my emotions, while trying to keep these thoughts from scattering.

Breathe I know, relax I know, i’m trying can’t you see!!? My frustration grows and emotions flow, but i’m trying to somehow keep it together……

Impatient I am, but patient is what I have to be, because even though my impatience is me……at least i’m trying…….

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries, Poems

Lost In Thought…..

My mind thinks, as i’m lost in thought. Every little thought calmly floating around in my head, thinking deeply as I add a little emotion to the mix.

These thoughts, I ponder and these emotions they linger, wanting me to hear them, forcing me to feel them, can’t hide it or ignore it if I tried…….

Lost in thought again, thinking deeper now, sitting still as i’m trying to keep my mind and emotions under control.

I’m no longer lost in thought, now i’m just thinking……

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries

Action……

So I tried to write a poem on the word action and I couldn’t really think of anything so I ended up writing a different one. Action……….I don’t know what exactly it is about the word, but for some reason I can’t help, but feel a little nervous with it and I know that sounds silly, because who would be nervous just seeing the word action, it’s just a word right!?

Yes and no, it’s a bit of both really, most people wouldn’t mind the word overall, it’s a form of productivity, you know getting things done and everything, so why can it make us feel nervous or scared!? Why does it tend to make us freeze or frantic about sometimes!? If I had the answer i’d tell you, believe me I would, but i’m not really sure about it myself……….

I guess when it comes to it the whole phrase “Actions speaks louder than words” it can leave you feeling this pressure which can cause you to want to either go into frantic mode or panic mode. This may sound very silly, but as i’m writing this i’m actually feeling a little anxious, makes no sense I know, but that’s an example of when I say it can it can leave you feeling pressured.

It doesn’t matter whether we’re up and moving with it or not, we’ll always have some kind of pressure added with it and that’s because we naturally put pressure on ourselves. Some of us put too much pressure and some of us find a way to add the right amount of pressure that’s needed, how I have no idea, I guess it’s just because some of us are better at handling pressure.

I’m not really the best under pressure though, I always tend to beat myself up when it comes to things in general, so when i’m already doing that and there’s more pressure added to that, it just makes things worst and believe me sometimes I wish I wasn’t so bad under pressure, but because I know that I am, i’m trying to keep myself calm and not get so worked up easily.

I also know that when it comes to action, I panic before the whole action part and I don’t understand why that always happens with me, but it does, I have ideas and sometimes it’ll take a while for me to actually go through with them………..it’s just a lot of things I guess I don’t know………….i’m not really sure where it started, where I started being afraid of taking action!?

It’s weird because, i’ve been going back into my mind, thinking about the times where action wasn’t a problem, i’m trying to figure out when exactly it happened to where I started going more and more into myself, wanting to understand why I have so much trouble with going fourth with certain things and why i’m always thinking about things too much!?

Why is action always a brick wall in my mind!? I don’t really know why and I don’t think I should ask why, the action part of me I know has to come out eventually and the part that likes to sit and do a deep analyze on whether I should or not, needs to come up with something, patience with a little assertiveness added, might just be the trick to keep the pressure balanced.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries, Poems

Don’t Think…..

Don’t think, it’s only going to cause you stress, don’t think it’ll only leave you anxious, don’t think you might just talk yourself out of things.

Don’t think or else you’ll be there all day, don’t think I can see the pressure building, quick think of something else!!

Anything except for what i’m telling not to think about………are you calm now!? Have you stopped thinking!?………..You haven’t stopped have you!?

Don’t think too much, just relax and breathe, everything’s going to be fine, if you have to think, think calmly, but don’t let the thinking get to you.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries

Distraction…..

Oh what’s that feeling that i’m feeling, please make it stop, these thoughts and these feelings are just driving me up the wall.

Need to find something that’ll keep me me from giving in, oh a distraction that’ll help me, but what kind of distraction should I go for!?

Video’s maybe!? I don’t know, I think the thoughts would find their way around it somehow……..music might do the trick!!

Then again, i’ll just probably end up feeding them, which might make me sad. How about writing or talking to a friend, that could work!!

Hmmmm maybe……….it could help simmer them down, alright then we’ll try that, wait……..what were we trying to distract from again!?

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Uncategorized

Coincidence……

Do you believe that coincidences just happen randomly or do you believe they’re there for a reason!? Sometimes it’s really hard to know whether something was/is a coincidence or not, sometimes it can feel like it is one, but then you think maybe it’s not, maybe it’s happening for a reason, but then you’ll also think that maybe you’re just looking into things.

Sometimes that’s how I feel, I always tend to look too much into things which is probably why i’m always so stressed all the time and getting myself all worked up, however I do also tend to feel as though there are just some things that are just too there in front of you to be just a coincidence, like for example the story I told you guys about yesterday, you know how that waiter resembled and shared an exact personality to my friend Angel.

It’s stuff like that, that makes you think, “yeaaah that wasn’t a coincidence” there could be some things though that could be a coincidence, at least I think so, however a lot of people think that coincidences aren’t just a coincidence and maybe that’s true, but we all have our own take on it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries

Pondering….

I sit and ponder, thinking about everything, not knowing exactly what i’m thinking, I sit and ponder some more……

Writing with some background noise, thinking as i’m messing with my mechanical pencil trying to write, I ponder some more……

Pondering and pondering, is all that i’m doing, wondering and wondering as if it’s my hobby, we ponder to think and we think to ponder…..

As I wrote that last line, I think “does that make sense!?” hmmmm maybe i’ll just ponder on it some more or just leave it.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries

What A Night…….Jan 16, 2019

I’m not really sure what to feel right now, i’ve been a real mess tonight………still am a bit, I don’t even know what exactly i’m writing at the moment, but i’m just gonna write and just let my fingers do the talking I guess………..half of my night was……….I don’t even know how to tell you how that went, believe it or not. The other half though, weeeell……….that was something else, I still can’t wrap my head around it to be honest, it was just weird and when I say weird I mean really weird, that’s all i’m going to say.

My emotions definitely kicked in tonight though and my emotional state was for two reasons, one i’m not gonna really talk about because I don’t want to talk about it and the second one was because of a surprise visit I wasn’t expecting and it’s probably going to sound really weird when I explain it to you, but just stay with me when I start explain which is now.

Alright soooo, i’m not really sure how to open the story, so i’m just gonna cut to the chase………..I was out for dinner with my mom and brother, we ended up eating at Applebee’s, it took us a bit to get a table, but not too long, anyway i’ll save the long intro, so we sat down and the host that gave us our table told us that our waiter would be sent to us shortly, so we said thanks and started talking and everything, now the next few things that i’m going to explain to you, is the part where I want you to try and stay with me okay, it’s going to get very interesting from here………so back to the story we’re at our table and the waiter shows up and everything, if you’re interested in wondering the name of the waiter, well his name was Paris……

Yes I know what you’re thinking, Paris!? Shouldn’t that be a girls name!? Maybe, but if you really think about it, some guys have the name Ashley and that too is a girls name so………if a guy can be named Ashley, a guy can also be names Paris, but i’m getting away from the story so i’ll just come back to it, the waiter was named Paris, but that’s not the weird part, WHAT IS THE WEIRD PART THOUGH…………….he resembled and had the same personality as one of my best friends who I think I told you about!?

If not well I had a friend by the name Angel and well…….he passed away almost 2 years ago, it’ll be 2 years in August………..but yeah……….anyway I won’t get too sad here, but it was a shock when we found out about it and it was one of the most unexpected things to happen, he was one of the greatest people you’d ever have the pleasure of meeting and being friends with as well, he was goofy, very humble and just a very overall great human being as well as a one of a kind friend to have, i’m getting off track so back to the waiter………..

Yeah everything from his demeanor, personality, laugh, just everything was like Angel, it was the weirdest thing, I didn’t even know how to process what was happening, call me crazy, but that was no coincidence at all, I don’t feel like that was just random, I felt like he was trying to be there for me in someway and that might not make sense, but I feel like that happening, him bringing over a waiter that resembled him so well and everything, I feel like that was his way of saying he was around…………

I’m still unable to really comprehend it, because my nights been a little all over the place, but all I was able to say was “That’s weird” I just kept saying that the whole night, it was that……….I don’t know how to say it…………..but his presence called out so much that my brother had asked him a question about whether he was into wrestling, because my friend Angel was, he said he wasn’t, but someone he knew was, he then asked if he looked like one and we told him no, but that he reminded us of my friend Angel and we even showed him a picture of him and he even said that he could see it and that just from the photo he could feel his energy which is insane……..

He even apologized thinking he made things awkward, but he didn’t it was just crazy how the waiter just had the same presence as him. He also thanked us and said that it meant a lot that we saw him that way and that he’s glad that he was able to make the night better for us……………it was one heck of a night last night though, although I was super emotional, i’m glad that I was able to take a moment like that with me, i’m going to remember that encounter for a very long time………….not that you’d read this Ang, but thanks, it was nice running into you again, i’m gonna believe that was you tonight (well more like last night now since it’s almost 1am) thanks for being there, we love and miss you very much, we always do. I hope you’re happy and doing well…………..wherever you are…………….

P.S. That encounter was so weird and crazy I called my friend Sam when I got home and told her about it and even she said that was weird…………

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~

Posted in Entries

Don’t Speak…..

Besides this being a title of a few songs, sometimes we will say things, but kinda wish we didn’t at the same time………….we express our feelings though because we feel like letting them out, yet sometimes those feelings that we’re trying to get out, we tell ourselves afterwards that maybe we should’ve just not have spoken about them. If they are things that aren’t making us feel good why even say it!? If we’re just going to end up upset over it why even put those thoughts and emotions out there, it’s not your story to try and read, you’re not suppose to give your input if you know that it shouldn’t have been asked for.

We still do it though, we still will say the things that we’re feeling because it’s how we’re feeling. Sometimes we do it to help people see and because we want to try and help them and sometimes we’ll say it because we feel it should be said, but does it really matter!? Does what we express mean anything!? I’m not sure, maybe it does, but maybe sometimes it doesn’t……..maybe we shouldn’t speak, maybe we should just keep to our own mind and thoughts and only worry about what we’re doing and if we’re doing things alright, at least with that the only stress and worry we’ll need to worry about are our own.

Who are we kidding though……………..as much as it’d be a whole lot easier to keep to ourselves and not get involved like we keep saying to ourselves, we will always worry and say our feelings when it comes to those we really care about…………..even if it does stress us out.

All The Love ❤ ❤

~Lexa~